I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
