This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
