watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
