ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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