absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
