What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
