Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's rum buckets o'clock
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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