How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There r osticjed everywhere
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
