hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
