Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize