i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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