It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize