Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
