My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
