This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
