thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
