she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
