I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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