his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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