I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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