Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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