Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
