so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
