I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
