We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
