I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
