Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
