there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
