he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm always down for nudity.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
