The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
