Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
