found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
