You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
