you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
