My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize