remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize