So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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