she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
