last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
