a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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