I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
