so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
