Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize