I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
