Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
