thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
