theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
