Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
