my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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