ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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