he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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