Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
