awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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