Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
