I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish you could order shots online.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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