wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
