I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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