Your face is a jimmy john
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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