Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
