He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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