He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
