No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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