Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
