I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize