it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
