I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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