how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
