so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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