I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
