Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
