for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize