I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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