Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
