Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
