I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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