So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
