my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
