I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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