It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
