i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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