You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize