Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize