Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
