so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
