I'm jealous of your bromance
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
