I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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