EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
