i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish you could order shots online.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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