Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
