I want to stick my p in your. b.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
