i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
