My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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