I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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