After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize