If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
