he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
